This is a beautiful and heartfelt blog I recently came across. I will be following her story as well...
Fighting the Darkness: My Secret Battle with Depression
February 28, 2011
February 27, 2011
Let the journey begin
About 5 months ago, I received my first psychiatric diagnosis: I was suffering from depression. As much as that's not exactly what everyone hopes to hear when they ask their doctor what's wrong, I actually felt relieved, because what that meant to me was that I wasn't just sad and unable to pull myself together...rather, there was a clear, medical issue I was dealing with that needed to (and could) be addressed.
Although I had gone through various battles with this illness in the past, I had somehow always managed to find a way to dig myself out of the deep, black pit of despair that anyone suffering from this disease knows far too well. This time, however, things were different. I tried St. John's Wort. I tried exercising more. I tried eating well. I tried pushing myself out the door even on days when all I wanted to do was to stay under the covers and cry (although in truth, I wasn't usually very successful with this one...) Still, my symptoms only got worse...
About a week ago, I received my second psychiatric diagnosis: borderline personality disorder. At first, I didn't have any idea what that meant, but once I started learning about the illness, I got that familiar sense of relief. Again, the diagnosis finally provided an explanation as to why I am the way I am. Perhaps even more importantly, it made me feel like I wasn't alone. After all, if there was an actual medical term to describe how I had been feeling and acting, then there must be many other people out there feeling and acting the same way.
Still, I find it incredibly frustrating to reflect on my efforts at trying to "get better" over the past number of months, since none of them seem to have made much (if any) difference whatsoever. So, I've decided that its time to try a new approach, and to give one last ditch effort at taking control of my life...through writing, knitting, and taking care of my very broken mind and body.
Enter Sweet Knittins.
What I hope to do is raise awareness about mental health, fight against the stigma, and share my journey on the long and winding road to recovery. Although I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel yet, I have to believe it is there. Please join me.
Although I had gone through various battles with this illness in the past, I had somehow always managed to find a way to dig myself out of the deep, black pit of despair that anyone suffering from this disease knows far too well. This time, however, things were different. I tried St. John's Wort. I tried exercising more. I tried eating well. I tried pushing myself out the door even on days when all I wanted to do was to stay under the covers and cry (although in truth, I wasn't usually very successful with this one...) Still, my symptoms only got worse...
About a week ago, I received my second psychiatric diagnosis: borderline personality disorder. At first, I didn't have any idea what that meant, but once I started learning about the illness, I got that familiar sense of relief. Again, the diagnosis finally provided an explanation as to why I am the way I am. Perhaps even more importantly, it made me feel like I wasn't alone. After all, if there was an actual medical term to describe how I had been feeling and acting, then there must be many other people out there feeling and acting the same way.
Still, I find it incredibly frustrating to reflect on my efforts at trying to "get better" over the past number of months, since none of them seem to have made much (if any) difference whatsoever. So, I've decided that its time to try a new approach, and to give one last ditch effort at taking control of my life...through writing, knitting, and taking care of my very broken mind and body.
Enter Sweet Knittins.
What I hope to do is raise awareness about mental health, fight against the stigma, and share my journey on the long and winding road to recovery. Although I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel yet, I have to believe it is there. Please join me.
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