The Pain of Denial

Ever remember hearing that if you didn't say something out loud, then it wouldn't be true? Like just the act of speaking words would suddenly make them real? It’s as though it would be better to deny those thoughts and to just pretend like everything was fine, because then it would be. Right? Wrong. And this applies to how people handle the issue of mental illness as well.

Now, I am not one of those people in denial of what I am dealing with (let's call them the Denialists, for fun)...I believe this blog makes that pretty clear, but for greater certainty, I'll repeat myself: "I am dealing with depression and BPD". There. And saying is doesn't make it any more or less real than it was before. What it does do, however, is provide valuable and sometimes lifesaving insight into a situation (e.g. why I am the way I am…it’s because of a disorder, and I’m not just “crazy”) as well as a road map for treatment (what I need to do if I want to change).

Unfortunately, dealing with these disorders (or any disorder, for that matter) become exponentially harder with Denialists in our lives. To be clear, by "Denialist", I do not mean people who do not fully understand or appreciate what a disorder actually means or does...that would not be fair. The people I am referring to have likely had someone in their lives that has been affected by a disorder, and they have had every available resource thrown at them (including the actual person with the disorder) in an effort to help educate them, yet they still refuse to even entertain the idea that maybe the person’s (insert disorder here) is real. In my case, several of my family members are Denialists, and I can tell you that every time they tell me that there is nothing wrong with me, it breaks me into a thousand pieces. See, if there is nothing wrong with me, then there is no chance for me to get better, and I might as well just give up now because I sure as heck can’t live like this.

If I were able to broadcast a message to Denialists out there, it would be this: If someone tells you that they are dealing with a disorder, especially if they have been professionally diagnosed, believe them. If they try to teach you about it, learn. And please, for goodness sake, don’t tell them there is nothing wrong. All it does is cause us to second guess everything we’re trying to do, when all we want is to find a way to hang on until we manage to get passed the pain.