As part of my ongoing quest to find a long-term therapist, I had my second "first appointment" with a new psychotherapist today. Walking in, I couldn't help but be just a little bit hopeful that this time, unlike the last time, I would find someone that understood what I was dealing with...and would actually be able to help me "get better". Unfortunately, that was not the case.
"First appointments" with doctors are much like first dates, where you spend the first half hour or so sizing each other up with questions about your past and present. Once we got through the initial line of questioning, however, and our friend BPD was finally brought into the conversation, the doctor backed right off. It seems that BPD is an undesirable quality in a patient...and the one illness that he would not touch with a 10 foot pole. Seriously?? You would think that I had just told him that I was infected with a virus that would become airborne in the next 5 minutes, and that his only chance of survival was to make sure that I left his office as quickly as possible.
According to Dr. I-will-treat-everyone-but-you, BPD is the most difficult disorder for a psychotherapist to treat. His only parting advice as he ushered me out of his office was to go to the local mental health center (CAMH - the Center for Addiction and Mental Health) and to seek out treatment options using Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT for short). Wikipedia has a pretty good description of DBT at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy
Coincidentally, I'm actually in the process of being interviewed (a.k.a. auditioned) by the research department at CAMH to participate in a DBT study for people with BPD. So far so good. I've been called back for a second audition...I mean interview...which will take place next week. So, fingers are crossed that I get the part. I sure could use the help.
That's terrible that he acted like that! I have found that some therapists are terrible. Obviously this person isn't someone that you would want to waste your money on anyway! I hope you get to be part of the study!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jamie! Its just such a shame that we have to go through this trial and error part of finding someone decent, when all we want is to get better. It sounds like you can relate. I will let you know if I get in...fingers and toes crossed.
ReplyDeleteGah! It hurts me to read this. Seriously? Sometimes I think we have come so far but yet, this makes me think not.
ReplyDeleteI am happy to have found your blog.
I agree Jen...and of course now I am left second guessing myself somewhat, with questions like "should I have even told him about BPD? I know there's a lot of controversy around it... Maybe I should have just told him about the depression, to get whatever treatment I can?" Anyways, too late for that now... hopefully I will find something that fits soon enough.
ReplyDeletethey really hate BPD i never get why they find it so hard to treat i understand BPD quite a bit with having it i dont read loads of success with it but there is a few people i know who are nearly recovered i would love the doctor to have a magic wand and say i no longer have BPD and maybee i would be ok
ReplyDeleteI've worked with a lot of therapists and psychiatrists over the last few years, and the majority of them have a prejudice when it comes to Borderlines. They receive essentially no education on BPD while in school and know very little about the disease. It would be simpler to tell them you are Bipolar so they can give you meds. I read an article recently that the only difference in Bipolar and Borderline is that Borderlines suffer from issues of abandonment and feelings of emptiness. It seems to me you need a lot of money or really good insurance to find a psychiatrist who is good with Borderlines. Ah well...
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